Breathe

Trying to breathe.......but it's becoming harder to get it out

We Three Super Thieves

My office is in an all glass building. I want to know what the person who thought of this was thinking? I can’t even wear a skirt to work because the pervert on the floor below me could look up my skirt and see what kind of underwear I had put on. Which would disappoint him at any rate because my underwear are vastly uninteresting.

I am sitting in my office looking outside and thinking how gloomy it looked. All my co workers were bustling around finishing up work so that they could go home to their various families and friends. I had nothing, I had chosen to lead a normal life. One that did not involve me running from cops. Which meant that I had to leave my life long friends behind. The person I was actually sad about leaving behind was the man that no one ever quite measured up too.

I try to tell myself that it was just sex and that I was just missing him because he provided great sex…but I don’t think that was it at all. The man made me laugh, he was brilliant our conversations are what turned me on about him. OK Shawn, get a grip. I do this every Friday. I get so lonely and I start to think about my old life and friends and love and I want to take off my expensive pant suit and six inch heels and just jet off.

The ground begins to rumble and I look to the left..through the building on the left came a force of water, one big stream headed straight at me. Instead of being dead, I am lying on my side looking up at the very face I was just thinking about..

“Hello Beautiful, you can’t die yet I need you”
Well Shit.

Raising a Difficult Child

My oldest is name Nathan is 3 going to be 4. He is difficult. I love him alot he is my first born. He has very poor impulse control and he has a short attention span. ADD ADHD and Dyslexia runs on sides of hubby and I's family trees. I am not LOOKING for problems with Nathan I would much rather him not have any problems but I mean thats like every other parent.

I can not NOT look for signs just because I dont want there to be any. I wouldnt be doing Nathan justice if I did that. He deserves to have the best education and the best childhood that I can give him and that means not glossing over his bad behavior and blaming it on outside influences or even trying to blame whatever disorder he may or may not have for his behavior.

I have been examining his behavior more and more especially since I remembered about these books I use to read called Ramona where Ramona was a very very active child who was constantly getting into trouble. Nathan is a male version of Ramona. There is some kind of writing on every wall in this house. He cant seem to make himself stop doing things he knows he gets in trouble for. Like waking up at night or early in the morning to get things out of the kitchen to eat...even when he is not really hungry. I am barely sleeping from trying to deal with all of this.

When I tell him to stop doing something I either have to say it over and over again or physically take him to do whatever it is that needs to be done.

Dont get me wrong he is way better than he was a couple months ago. I cut out the afternoon nap to stop him from getting up at night. He gets only fruit and such for snacks. We put him in Karate to help with socializing and listening to other adults. It seems like there is nothing that seems to get through to him when it comes to him doing things that he is not suppose to do the consequences are consistant but it's like he forgets them or ignores them.

I was thinking about having him tested.....What if I am overeacting? what if I am not? I was talking to my mother about the fact that if he did have a problem and we didnt see him improving in the school situation that I would just use my teaching degree to homeschool Nathan. This turned into a discussion about how it was a really bad idea because I would be trying keep him to myself...which if you know me you know that this is not true. I feel like school is for learning and that it's not for socializing. My main concern is that he gets the kind of teachers my brother had and he gets nothing out of school. I do not want him to lose his joy of learning because he had to deal with teachers who can not handle a child with disabilites along with the other 20 kids in the class. I feel it would be in his best intrest to homeschool IF he turns out to be a kid who needs more one on one help.

Alot of this comes from the fact that we cant afford a private school that would have the lower numbers a child like that would need and I know how to make money from home so I can make that part work. So then my mom tells me he NEEDS to interact with other kids and adults. I know this which is why he would be involved in Karate or another sport or boy scouts he can go to the YMCA (if we are in the states) he would play outside with other kids we go on field trips and most important he would go AWAY from me lol. Homeschooling has nothing to do with keeping him near me because trust me I would much rather he go to school But children with learning and emotional and even physcial disabilites are just not getting the kind of attention they need in school and often their education is lacking. I refuse to leave it up to the schools to teach my children anything when it's also my job to get involved and to step in and make sure that he gets a good education. If I didnt think I was capable of doing it I would do everything in my power to find a way to make sure he got a good eduation SOMEWHERE. I want him to be successful in life not struggling and worried that he wont be able to make it because he has a hard time with his learning problems.

My mom used my brother as an example of why Nate should go to school even if he is doing poorly.....but my brother hated school became a terror on two legs and I had to teach him to read because he just couldnt get the hang of it and my mom had no patiences for it. It's not her fault there are people who are just not meant to teach. James is anti-social (like her) and is very very embarassed of his learning disabilities and has never really learned how to learn despite them. He only learns what he wants to learn and no more because he actually gets no joy from it. It makes me sad because he is freaking brilliant but his early experiances with teachers and learning have made him dislike it so so much.

Maybe my views are just extreme because of the experiance of watching my brother struggle so much. I am not making this decision lightly I have looked in to everything but are you ever sure your not doing something to mess your childrens minds up?